Every Who down in Whoville liked pancakes a lot…
But Matt Singer, who lived just north of Whoville, did not!
Matt Singer hated pancakes! The whole Grinch menu season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
Whatever the reason, his stomach or gut,
He stood there at IHOP, stuck in a rut,
Staring down at his plate with a sour, Singer frown,
At the gigantic pile of food about to go down.
He felt it his duty, his sworn obligation.
Even if this task would cause constipation.
“They’re serving green pancakes!” he snarled with a sneer,
“And a green-mint hot chocolate! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his Singer fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop indigestion from coming!”
For also, he knew, IHOP had a Who-Roast Beast Omelette,
A name that made his belly loudly gurgle with vomlette.
He’d order the entire menu, and sit down to a feast.
And he’d feast! And he’d feast! (And he’d FEAST!)
FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
He would feast on green pancakes, and rare Who-roast beast.
Which was something Matt Singer couldn’t stand in the least!
I’m going to eat them anyway.
That’s what I do. When a chain restaurant releases a menu themed to a movie — like Denny’s did for Solo: A Star Wars Story, or Johnny Rockets did for Kong: Skull Island, or White Castle did for X-Men: Apocalypse, or Denny’s did for Independence Day: Resurgence, or Denny’s did for Fantastic Four — I go and eat the entire thing. (Also: Damn Denny’s, you’ve been associated with almost as many crappy movies as Mystery Science Theater 3000.)
Today, it is time for me to journey to Whoville to ingurgitate the International House of Pancakes’ menu devoted to the new Illumination release The Grinch. Mercifully, there are just three items: A “Who-Roast Beast Omlette” (a reference to something in the original Seuss book), a “Minty Who-Hot Chocolate” and the “Grinch’s Green Pancakes” which are, as advertised, a very appealing shade of emerald, then topped with icing and candy hearts.
Those pancakes look moderately terrifying, but it could be worse. Thankfully, IHOP has transformed itself back into its primordial form after that very public metamorphosis into the International House of Burgers. Also, this could be the Green Eggs and Ham theme menu. That would have been really tough.
As you read this, I am sitting down at Coney Island’s Grinchiest IHOP (it’s actually very nice), where I will spend the next however-long-it-takes, consuming all of this Grinch food. Hopefully it all agrees with me. Otherwise, a who ain’t gonna be all Horton hears, if you catch my drift. I will check back in with you after the first course arrives — in the meantime, you can follow along with my misadventures on Twitter.